Twelve conjoined twins in Burma create cult worshiping Putin as Jesus’ toenail! by Owen Caruth

The Burmese band အသံနှင့်အတူအမွှ or Twins with Voices has started a new cult called the Holy Alliance of the Body Parts of Jesus which worships humans who are said to be descended from the body parts of Jesus Christ. The band, which is located in Homein, Burma, had publicly announced at a concert, their new choice of faith, which has already attracted 600 disciples. Chit Hlaing 1 & 2, the conjoined twins who lead the band commented on how the cult had been created.

      “We had been studying The Bible for quite some time now, when our kyay players Arkar and Champo got sick with Malaria. They ended up waking up from a trance and explaining the premise of a holy vision which inspired the cult.”  Says Chit, in an interview with our reporters in Burma.

      The first man to be connected with Jesus’ body parts, of course was Putin. The Russian dictator who recently annexed Crimea. Other people include: Martin Luther King Jr, who is Jesus’ liver, Pablo Escobar, who is Jesus’ pancreas, and Rutherford B. Hayes, who is Jesus’ left earlobe. Other people such as J.K. Rolling, Drake, and Hitler, have yet to be confirmed.