Dragon Skeleton Found! by Kellen McNulty

In the town of Aasleagh, Ireland, scientists have unearthed a huge skeleton, which at first they thought was a dinosaur, but later realized was a dragon. “We were all shocked at the discovery,” said Maya Scott, one of the scientists that discovered the dragon. “It had neon yellow eyes, and scales that glowed red and orange,” citizen Aoife Night said. The dragon caused mass destruction in the town. Other locals said that the dragon was “a monster that needs to be destroyed.” There were 14 deaths and 38 injuries. “It ate my husband! My home is wrecked!” devastated Branna O’Sullivan said. 

Ducks pull John Gibson for Walrus after 6 Goals in the 1st by Lucas Weidner

June 25, 2019 – After a devastating 1^st period with the score 6-0 in last night’s game against the Anaheim Ducks and the Washington Capitals, the Duck’s head coach Bob Murray pulled his netminder John Gibson off the ice to be replaced with a backup that had never seen the NHL ice before, a walrus.

Gibson had let in 6 goals on 11 shots, to which the home crowd responded with boos, even throwing bottles and cans on the ice. “I just don’t know what happened there. I wasn’t in the zone I guess,” Gibson responded after the game.

The crowd wasn’t sure what to expect after the buzzer went of to end the 1^st, although the most obvious replacement was Chad Johnson as Ryan Miller was unavailable to play. However, nobody expected a walrus to come bounding onto the ice after intermission and take his position between the posts, though he barely even fit.

The rookie walrus held up great though, not allowing a single goal in after facing 33 shots. The Ducks were able to make a comeback over the next two periods largely because of #33 Jakob Silfverberg, left winger and this year’s leader in terms of goals for Anaheim, who had a hat trick in the game. Ryan Getzlaf (2), Adam Henrique, and Sam Steel also contributed to the comeback in a 7-6 win.

The walrus was unavailable for comment after the game, though Murray stated in a press conference after that he had “one of the best starting games for a tendy ever” and that he was “looking forward to seeing him play more”. There is talk about the walrus getting the Vezina Trophy (awarded to the best goaltender) if he continues to play in more games.

“You literally just can’t get pucks past him,” Murray adds.

New NHL Rule Change Calls for a Penalty for Licking, Brad Marchand to Blame by Lucas Weidner

June 25, 2019 – As the end of the season has come around and the National Hockey League is getting ready for the 2019-2020 season, new rule changes have been announced, among which is a new rule which will give out a 5-minute major penalty for licking.

This new change comes after Boston Bruins left winger Brad Marchand licked many opposing players during games, such as Tampa’s Ryan Callahan among many others. This behavior put Marchand on watch for the season but didn’t account to any rule changes until now.

“He just wouldn’t stop licking the players out there,” said Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the NHL. “We told him to stop, and he just kept on licking.” The rule is aimed to discourage any more incidents of licking, by Marchand or others. “We don’t want this to become a thing,” Bettman adds. “We don’t want to become the National Licking League.”

Callahan, a right winger for the Tampa Bay Lightning recalls the experience. “It was just terrible, completely awful. It was by far the most disgusting thing in my life.” Many others who experienced the same thing voiced the same opinions. “I’m just glad there’s a rule implanted for this.”

Fish like dinosaurs discovered in (Jupiter’s moon) Europa’s ocean. by Anika Jain

Scientists have found images of dinosaurs in the ocean of Europa beneath the icy surface. Just like fish they have gills to get oxygen. In 1979 the two-voyager spacecraft passed by Europa and took pictures of dinosaurs. They also got a sample of the water there because the moon was ejecting plumes of water into space. 

The samples have shown that the water in exactly like earths water, but it is very clean. The moon itself has more water than the whole entire earth. Scientific research says that the icy surface on top of the water is only 5 miles deep. 

They are sending another spacecraft to Europa and are going to try to land it on the surface so they can get a sample of the dinosaurs after they drill through it. 

The pictures show that the dinosaurs have all five senses. Their skin is like a reptile, but it is a bright purple, pink, or blue color. They also have 6 eyes, so in my opinion they look scary. Hopefully, scientists can research more after this experience and learn more about space.

Man Turns Pregnant!!!! by Amy Zhang

6.24.2019-

Husband and Wife, Frank and Ferret are having a baby. Ferret took her pregnancy test but didn’t get any results. Frank has been receiving serious stomach pain so Ferret took him to the nurse. 

The nurse that they were given to them, gave him the pregnancy test and her jaw dropped open as she saw the results, it was positive. Ferret looked over her shoulder and gasped

“Frank, you're pregnant,” Ferret whispered to her husband.

The nurse told her that there was nothing that they could do and that he would have to live with this.

Giant Alien Baby discovered in Tibet!!!! by Raghav Goel

Mutuo, Tibet: On June 7th 2019 a giant alien baby found in Mutuo,Tibet. The baby was a whopping 39ft 11 inches and was destroying everything in its path. The baby was terrorizing the people that were stranded on the mountains.

This monster has been destroying the island,and eventually there won’t be any island left for people to visit. Currently this creep has destroyed the mountain and 1000 trees.The alien has a laser gun and shoots fireballs out of its mouth. We tried to get close but it did not work because it also could create laser beams through its eyes.

First Jackalope Found by Croatian Manby!!! Lucas Weidner

June 25, 2019 – The first ever alive Jackalope has been found by a man from KLJUČAR, Croatia in nearby forests on a routine hunting trip, who has described it as “a large European hare with antlers of a red deer”. The creature has long been rumored to exist, however, before this critical development it has only been seen dead and stuffed, and called a hoax by many.

Josip Kovačević, the man who sighted the animal, was on one of his regular trips to hunt the native red deer of the area, when he heard a rustle in nearby bushes after which an animal he had never encountered before hopped away at a quick pace. As he remembers it, “It hopped away, and I shot at it. It turned back quickly before dashing off. When it did that I saw the antlers.”

Asked by one of our reporters if he could have just mistakenly saw the antlers, or if he misidentified the creature, he answered through his translator by saying “Rabbits don’t have antlers. One does not just see a bunny with antlers.”

This new finding has sparked a huge search for the creature in the area and has also raised speculation about what other rare creatures live in that region. The headof the search group, an American named Jordan Staal said to our Croatian reporters, “Who knows? If a jackalope is in the area, there could be centaurs, or even unicorns. It’s anyone’s guess.”

Mermaids Found Swimming in The Pacific Ocean By Syona Huang

  A man has found a mermaid in the Pacific Ocean swimming into a small cave. The man said, “I was on the beach alone all by myself then suddenly I saw a big tail at first I thought it was a dolphin. Then I saw another one, same as the last except it had a human face.”  The man also took a picture except he had dropped his phone in the water when he saw the face. Scientist have set up underwater cameras and closed the beach. At 5:56 pm the cameras caught some action; they relooked at the camera and saw a human body and a tail of a dolphin. The tail and the body where connected in some sort of way. What could it be, a new kind of fish a person swimming with a dolphin or a mermaid?

Find out next time on Daily Global Hotwire!

Twelve conjoined twins in Burma create cult worshiping Putin as Jesus’ toenail! by Owen Caruth

The Burmese band အသံနှင့်အတူအမွှ or Twins with Voices has started a new cult called the Holy Alliance of the Body Parts of Jesus which worships humans who are said to be descended from the body parts of Jesus Christ. The band, which is located in Homein, Burma, had publicly announced at a concert, their new choice of faith, which has already attracted 600 disciples. Chit Hlaing 1 & 2, the conjoined twins who lead the band commented on how the cult had been created.

      “We had been studying The Bible for quite some time now, when our kyay players Arkar and Champo got sick with Malaria. They ended up waking up from a trance and explaining the premise of a holy vision which inspired the cult.”  Says Chit, in an interview with our reporters in Burma.

      The first man to be connected with Jesus’ body parts, of course was Putin. The Russian dictator who recently annexed Crimea. Other people include: Martin Luther King Jr, who is Jesus’ liver, Pablo Escobar, who is Jesus’ pancreas, and Rutherford B. Hayes, who is Jesus’ left earlobe. Other people such as J.K. Rolling, Drake, and Hitler, have yet to be confirmed.

Mermaids Existed by MACCABEE HARAD

Last night i was researching noah's ark I stayed up for three hours until finally at 12:24 I realized something big, mermaids are real and i'm gonna prove it!

 When Noah heard from g/d that the earth was about to flood and to bring 2 of each animal, noah agread, but if you think hard, how could Noah get the mermaids that used to exist on the boat? The mermaids live to deep underwater and are super heavy.

You might be thinking, “how do you know mermaids were real before the flood?” well, why do you think rinosorises, antelope, bufalo and other land animals have pointy horns in their head. It doesn't look good, it doesn't feel good, the reason is to honor the unicorns. 

But why are there no mermaids any more? Well since the earth is round, during the flood all the water fell off the side of the earth with the mermaids. The mermaid tried to escape but the water was to strong. It was i vary sad moment. So next time you see an animal with a horn, please pray for those cute little unicorn.

NARWHAL FOUND WITH REAL MAGIC INSIDE INDIAN OCEAN! by Unaysah Karim

In the Indian Ocean there was a Narwhal found shooting a rainbow lightning to its prays.  Detectives are now trying to capture the Narwhal in action but they keep going to close and getting struck by its magic, one has survived and said, “It felt like a thundering cloud with a fire interior.” Doctors say that the damage will take half a dozen years to heal or more. The man is currently unconscious, and his family is with him wherever he is. For scuba divers that are in the Indian Ocean are now being stopped because of the incidents that have already happened. For the people that are traveling on a boat are having full protection and the captain has already been injured and he said, “It happened! I saw the Narwhal, but it didn’t hurt! It felt like cupcakes and rainbows!” Doctors found him and said he wasn’t hurt or even scratched, but he has lost full memory of the last 48 hours. Will they find the Narwhal? Do other Narwhals have magic?

Find out next time in THE BEST SOURCE FOR NOT_FAKE NEWS! Global Daily Hotwire!

Scientists Agree the Moon is Actually Cheese, Huge Government Cover-up by Lucas

June 24, 2019

Scientists have reached the consensus at the world-class annual Astronomy and Space Summit in Kranj, Slovenia that the moon is actually made of a type of swiss cheese called Sbrinz at the meeting’s end at 2:45 today, and that the U.S. Government has covered up this long suspected finding.

“We have thought the moon was cheese for a long time,” says Barry Boldy, the head of the Astronomy and Space Summit, “It was really quite obvious, but now we can prove it.”

He and over 100 other experts in the fields of astronomy, astrophysics, and chemistry unanimously agreed that the moon is made up of swiss cheese after years of research that was hindered and stopped by a fretful U.S. Government still trying to keep the cover-up a secret. The exact type of swiss, they report, is a type called Sbrinz which is an “extra hard swiss cheese likened to parmesan” according to chemistry and cheese expert Dave Knight.

The members of the summit say they will be looking into this matter in further meetings and hope to release an official paper on the findings by February of 2020, that being if the Government does not try to stop further research.

“This is a breakthrough discovery,” reiterates Boldy, “We look forward to getting to the bottom of it.”